I'm not the kind of person who gets all emotional and posts never-ending entries about life, personal issues or anything you'd pick up from the 'cheesy' counter of life. This is not the place to do it. Yet, today, something inside is telling me to do it and I always trust my instinct. Don't be too surprised if I take this post down in a couple of days, I'll probably regret doing it.
If you're wondering what inspired this heart-to-heart post (oh God, I can't believe I'm doing this!), well there are plenty of things. Let's say it was a build up of things, shall we? I've been going through many changes over the past few months, I had a lot of 'me' time, I made myself think about life more than I usually do and I've also been sorting out my room. The latter makes me reflect a lot. However, the tipping point, came last Saturday evening, as my friend and I watched 'The September Issue' for the 544th time. We were discussing how powerful Anna Wintour is and I suddenly exclaimed that I would do pretty much anything to do what she does. That's when my friend remarked that living Wintour's life is really exciting, but am I really ready to give up on so many things to be like the cold, insensitive, implacable Anna?
That question made me think, a lot. In a way I can relate to Anna in a very incredible way. See, I had quite a difficult life and as I feel like I grew up way too fast. Growing up, I realised that people will always let you down, so you need to learn to accept the least of them. I always relied on myself and I bottled up all my feelings inside. This might sound awkward to you, but I gradually starting preferring my own company. Over the years, I started living in my own little world and I built myself a pretty awesome crystal castle. There are people living in my world, they can see me through the castle but that's the closest they will ever get to me.
However, bottling up had its limits. One fine day, I woke up and realised that I had to vent it on something. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't write about it. Something held me back. But I had to create, I knew it would help me. My huge closet was the first thing ready at hand, so I started experimenting with clothes instead. After spending endless afternoons playing 'dress up', listening to music and putting together outfits that match the mood of the song, I realised that 'fashion' is to me as poetry was to Keats: a way of escaping the 'weariness, the fever, and the fret / Here, where men sit and hear each other groan'. Then it became a lifestyle, a passion, a necessity. Fashion and dance, were there when no one else was and I know it's going to be like that forever.
For me, putting an outfit together is like writing a poem or painting a picture. There's always something behind it. Poets love words, painters love brushes and I love clothes. They're merely different tools. We can't create without them.
So, I don't buy so many clothes because I'm 'sick' or I'm a 'materialistic bitch'. I do it because, like other creative people, I can never have too many tools. People are free to disagree with me, don't like me and have their own opinion about what I do. They are entitled to their opinion, and I don't have any intention to waste time trying change it. You can't please everyone, trust me, even if you're the best person in the world.
Therefore yes, I want to be like Anna. Fashion is my life. I don't have to give up anything, because fashion is all I have.
Thank you dear friend, you made me realise how much I love fashion and the pretty things it brings with.
-B
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar