Confessions of a Writer

I know I haven’t been posting about my writing lately on this blog. In fact, I haven’t been posting about writing, period. It’s been a crazy couple of months, and those closest to me know why. Certain decisions needed to be made, and now, I’m finally ready to start writing about said decisions on this blog. As you can see, dear reader, I have revamped the website. Gone are Story of the Week and Movies, Music, and More. And I’ve referred to Reads, Reviews, Recommends as Kate’s Blog.

I wanted the website to feature my writing prominently. I’ll get to the main reason for that in a second. First, the biggest of my decisions…

Almost two months ago, I decided to part ways with my agent.

“WHAT? Kate, say it isn’t so!” you might say, dear reader.

I understand your shock, horror, and utter dismay. I can even imagine your facial reaction because I’ve had my friends (well, those who I’ve spoken to in person) give me the same expression live and in living color. But I knew in my gut that it was the right thing to do. So, I started querying again. At the moment, this is how the stats stand:

IMPULSE = 4 fulls and 2 partials.

TASTE = 1 full and 2 partials.

‘TIL DEATH = 1 full.

How did this happen? Well, I started querying Impulse, and when one agent would reject it, I’d send another query for another novel. Simple as that. I’ve worked hard in writing the three novels featured on this site, and I wanted to give them all equal opportunities to get out there. So, I’m waiting on feedback from the agents who’ve requested my work.

While waiting, I started feeling pressured and a little angst. I thought that querying the second time around would be easier because I knew what the experience entailed. I was wrong because the writer’s common affliction of self-doubt crept into every waking moment. Which meant every rejection hit me hard. Almost like a physical blow.

With my emotions spiraling down a drain of self-pity and a feeling of smallness so profound I thought I would go crazy from it, an epiphany happened. In your darkest hour, you truly find the light, and I will admit here and today that I have found mine.

I told myself that if by the end of December of 2011 I don’t get an offer of representation, I will enter self-publishing. Hence the revamp of the website.

For so long, I resisted the idea of self-publishing my novels. For those still resisting, I used to know how you feel now. And I’m sure that your doubts are the same, if not, slightly similar to mine. (Enter self-doubt here)

Because of my initial fear of self-publishing, I told myself that I would take all the “ber” months to learn everything I can about the process: what I need to do, which companies I could use. Along with searching the Net and reading countless blog posts on the subject of self-publishing, I have been contacting self-published writers (those that don’t turn me away) and asking them questions. There’s something about commiseration that helps relieve your fears. At least, for me, I get courage from “if they can do it, then so can I!” Coming into the venture knowledgeable and with a plan certainly helps because most of what we are afraid of is the unknown. If you shed light on the darkness, the scary things our imaginations come up with seem less scary.

I didn’t come into this decision lightly, dear reader. Ultimately, I realized within me that I wanted to share my stories with the world. That’s why I love to write. If one person says he or she likes what I’ve written, then it’s job well done for me.

Then I asked myself: can the decision really be that simple?

Actually, yes.

And I knew it was the right decision because everything clicked into place. I stopped caring about rejections. I stopped being overly excited about requests, taking them in stride. Feeling happy when an agent is interested in my work, but not making it the end all be all of my day. I’ve actually started feeling excited to go to sleep at night just so I can wake up and open my inbox to see what it holds inside: good or bad, great or not so. Excited about it all.

So, dear reader, I would like to thank you for sticking with me this far. For sharing my ups and commiserating with my downs. I hope that you continue to check back and see if I’m still alive. *smiles* But seriously, I hope that you are excited. I sure am. I’m also scared, I’m not going to deny it.

Let’s take this journey together.

I want to be honest with what I’m going through when it comes to my writing. I want to share the experience with you.

Take a look around the site. Each section features a different novel with the first three chapters open for you to read. I intend to add a few more things when I have the time. I have lots of things in mind for this site. And don't ever forget to let me know what you think. I love hearing from all of you!

That’s it for now.

I hope you have a great weekend! Cheers!

Confession transmission over.

*walks away to watch first episode of CSI's new season*