VMAs 2011: The Very Mediocre Attire Show

Dear Readers,

Yesterday evening I planned on staying up to watch the VMAs with a nice bowl of black olive crackers, but my eyes just didn't feel like it. Well, I went to sleep and woke up this morning feeling incredibly eager to see who won what, who sang what and most of all, who WORE what.

After a few minutes of research, I found out oh so many pleasing things: Beyonce is pregnant, Gaga aced her performance and Adele gave shivers to everyone. Then, it all took a bad turn when I read that Bieber won the award for Best Male Video. I thought it couldn't get worse than that. But a slight peep at the outfits worn to the VMAs made me forget all about Bieber's victory and the fact that he didn't thank his fans - MONSTER INGRATITUDE!

For example, what is Nicki Minaj trying to convey with this almost apocalyptic wreck of an outfit? Seriously, am I the only one who thinks the Minaj woman is way too overrated for the planet's well-being? Someone has to tell Nicki that if she's undecided on what to wear, she can't simply put on anything she finds in her bedroom or kitchen. I have a feeling that she used stuff from both her bedroom and her kitchen for this thing over here. To make matters worse, we're all a little bit bored of seeing people wearing soft-toys by now. This isn't how you make a statement Nicki, it's how you attract millions of negative statements about your fashion sense.

I dare you to count all the soft toys!

The next member of the 'People Dressed Horribly' table is Snooki who looked incredibly spooky (excuse the rhyme). I know many people praised her dress but somehow this outfit doesn't work out for me. Doesn't it look way to tacky for the VMAs? Oh, and her boobies are way too over the place for my tastes. Nah, she looks bad.

Spooky Snooki

Usually, rainbows bring happiness, hope and new beginnings. But sometimes, rainbows make us want to throw up. Case in point, Deena Cortese's Rainbow dress. That dress is something your average Maltese woman would buy to go to the village festa to get drunk. Does Deena Cortese have Maltese origins? Did she spend some time here in Malta without me knowing? I swear I want to cry.

I wish I was colourblind.

I don't have any good words for Busta Rhymes either. Is it me, or does he look huge in that sleeveless thingy? I've never seen Busta as a style icon, and this look has definitely vanquished any slight possibility of him making my good books.

Erm...

Ladies and gentlemen, look at Kreayshawn. Her existence was unknown to me until this morning, and to be quite honest, I wish I hadn't found out about her at all. Kreayshawn is the classic girl with an unpronounceable ghetto name who's convinced she got 'swagger', when in reality, she's got nothing but a pitiable appearance. I googled her and came across a song she released called 'Gucci Gucci'. All she does in this song is make fun of 'basic bitches' who wear 'Gucci, Gucci, Louis, Louis, Fendi Fendi, Prada', which according to her are 'shit'.  My favourite verse from this GREAT song is when she says that she's got swag 'pumping out' her 'ovaries'. Given the creative genius of her lyrics, and her immense admiration (lack of..) for designer-wear, I couldn't expect anything decent from this woman. Wake up honey, your swagger's gone on holiday.

Sneakers and glittery Disney dress, and the girl says she's got swagger...

Dear Readers, quite frankly, I'm tired of looking at deplorable outfits so I'm going to close off this post with a couple of pictures that prove that some celebrities do have a mirror at home. First up is Beyonce, who looked beyond stunning in her one-shoulder, orange frock. The dress is a perfect combination of tradition and innovation for it has quite a traditional cut but its colour is too bright to be considered 'traditional'. Her choice of jewellery is simple yet it still makes a statement, and I love how her make-up is barely visible. If this is what 'Preggers Beyonce' will look like in the coming months, we're going to see some serious glamour. Can't wait!

Awhhhhh!

Adele isn't only a very talented singer - the most talented at the moment, according to me - she's also got a good sense of style. Even though she tends to stick to one colour, namely black, she still manages to create different looks which are always the epitome of class. I am deeply in love with this young woman whose simplicity creates richness in all that she does, be it fashion or be it music. Adele, we'll never find 'someone like you'!

RAWR!

My personal favourite of the night was Selena Gomez. Damn, this young lady sure knows how to work it on the red carpet. Wearing a stunning dress by Julien MacDonald - can't believe I got to meet him! - Selena stole the show with her vampy look. What I really like about his outfit is that Selena's hair has been tied back. With such elaborate dresses, especially at the front, hairstyles should be kept as simple and minimalistic as possible.  Selena is slowly becoming one of my favourite artists, so expect a post on this lady very, very soon!

Gomez Power!

If I had to list all the outfits I hated from the show, it would take me at least a week to finish off my post. So I'm going to refrain from doing so. However, if you want to see a wider variety of pictures - and plenty of horrible ones too - there are hundreds of photos circulating online. As for me, I'm going to conclude with a picture of Joe Calderone, that is Gaga Man, because Gaga did it again! It takes a good dose of style and confidence to look hot even if you're dressed up as a man! Chapeau! 

Joe Calderone, I love you!

-B